Brutally Honest Advice I'd Give Myself at 18
10 Simple Lessons That Changed My Life
I’m turning 30 in a couple of months.
And lately, I’ve been thinking a lot less about goals… and more about lifestyle.
What kind of days do I actually want to live?
Where do I want to wake up? Who do I want around me?
And what kind of work, habits, and mindset makes for a good life?
Because if you get the lifestyle wrong, no amount of money can really fix things. There’s no shiny job title or brand-new car that will make you feel at peace.
Admittedly, much of this reflection has been uncomfortable, but useful. It’s forced me to analyze what’s worked, what hasn’t, and outline the habits that quietly moved my life forward over the last few years… or held me back.
So in this post, I’m sharing 10 lessons, stories, wins/fails, and hard-earned realizations I wish I understood way earlier.
If you’re navigating your 20s or even your 30s and beyond and want to intentionally build your life, this one is for you.
I hope some of these ideas help you create a lifestyle that’s fulfilling and feels like freedom.
1. Seek Out Intensity - Balance Is Overrated & Often Misleading
The number one lesson I’ve learned over the last decade is that choosing intensity for aspects of your life is vital for fulfillment, success, and overall happiness.
And yes, this is absolutely a choice.
Society wants us sedated these days.
We’re told to play it safe. Don’t stray off the beaten path too much. Play it cool, stay in your lane, and stick to the plan. Make sure you’re ‘balanced’ because it’s good for you and it’s what you’re supposed to do.
Balance can be great. But for certain seasons of your life, not as a general mode of operation. Especially not in your 20s.
You need to experience months and years where you wake up with a fire inside of you because you’re bursting with motivation to do something with your life. This could be starting a business, reaching a fitness goal, learning a new skill, traveling somewhere new…Whatever it might be, there must be something out there in this massive world that makes you feel alive!
Diving into something and cultivating passions is how you make this decade count. Don’t be afraid to be extreme. You can work long hours, or be hyper-focused on certain goals at different times. Let a hobby or niche interest consume your attention for a season. All of this is okay.
Your extremity often serves as a compass for acting like your true self and doing what’s best for you. It’s way more fun to live this way too.
Just please don’t live like an NPC.
You’re allowed to be imbalanced in your pursuit of something wonderful and empowering. And it’s only by diving head-first into these kinds of pursuits that you’ll accomplish them.
2. Practice Saying ‘Yes’ To Things That Scare You
Get in the habit of saying ‘yes’ to new experiences. Bonus points if it’s something uncomfortable or even frightening.
I’ve written about this sort of idea a few times, but it’s crucial.
When we’re kids, we have endless novel experiences. This is a massive part of why childhood seem to stretch forever, while seasons flash by in an instant as we age…We stop seeking out new experiences, and our perception of time accelerates accordingly.
If your weekly routine revolves around the latest Netflix special and waiting for Friday night to roll around so you can drink or order DoorDash, you must break this cycle.
It doesn’t even have to be anything too crazy. Try a new recreational sports league, explore a new hiking trail nearby, go to a language exchange. Just do stuff that’s outside of your normal routine.
Once you do that, taking on scary things becomes easier. This is a legitimate muscle you have to build.
I had a pretty tough period throughout 2024 for several reasons. I was all doom and gloom for a while there.
I decided to hike Kilimanjaro after a particularly bad day. I booked the hike in late October and was on Base Camp by Christmas Day.
Since then I’ve moved cities a couple of times. I’ve started boxing too, and I’m learning Dutch now. I took a first aid course recently too and want to start volunteering with my local mountain club more.
You can genuinely start any new hobby or take off on random adventures.
Do it solo if you have to. Treat the world like it’s yours to explore, and build back that childlike curiosity and sense of adventure. There’s no greater hack to improving your mood and outlook.
3. Remember That You Can Build Your Own Luck
I am convinced we can build our own luck.
There’s two main ways to do this:
Be Endlessly Optimistic: Pessimists are often right, but it’s the optimist who has the most fun and best life. If you approach life with the best case scenario in mind, it will unfold that way for you. If you approach with fear of failure, you’ll fall short. This has consistently happened to me in all aspects of my life.
Encourage Serendipity In Your Life: Serendipity basically means having a happy accident. It’s when fortunate stuff happens to you that sort of just falls into your lap. But here’s the thing…You can program serendipitous moments into your life! Again, this happens when you say yes to new things, take on life with a sense of adventure, and live with some fire in your veins. Random, positive things happen to you the more you experiment with life.
I write about this kind of stuff all the time on WiFi Wealth, but it’s true!
I experimented with dozens of side hustles in my twenties before I found blogging. That blog ended up making me $1M+ and helped me become financially free.
Same story happened with YouTube. I believed I could make something happen, tried a bunch of random stuff, and a couple years later I had made $250,000+ from YouTube and started a whole new business.
Random emails I’ve sent have turned into opportunities. Talking to a dude in Florida on a podcast one time ended up with me writing for Forbes…
You never know what will happen, but you can increase your luck and the odds good things happen.
4. The Spotlight Effect Is Real - Don’t Let It Stop You From Pursuing Your Goals
The spotlight effect refers to a phycological phenomenon whereby people significantly overestimate how much other people notice them, judge them, monitor them, etc.
In other words, we all think the world cares about us.
It truly doesn’t 😅
How freeing is this realization?
Again, you can literally build whatever you want, try new things, and fail spectacularly along the way. No one gives a shit.
I’ve talked to so many people who want to start a one-person business, post content on social media, make money with YouTube, write a newsletter…
Their main reason for never starting?
It’s always the feared perception of others. I’m not joking. People think they have haters or enemies or a crowd or something…NO ONE ACTUALLY THINKS ABOUT YOU EVER.
I used to worry endlessly about what other people thought about me. This worry still creeps in sometimes, which I think is natural. But you must remember that you owe it to yourself to pursue what excites you.
Also remember: most things don’t matter in 5 years, let alone 5 weeks. Live the life you want to live.
5. Learn Basic Personal Finance
If you’re in your 20s, or any age really, it’s vital you learn basic personal financial management.
This includes:
How to create a simple budget (you can use a simple Excel spreadsheet, journal, apps like Monarch Money)
Building an emergency fund
Managing credit cards/debt if you’re using credit cards
Learning how to invest
Reading about the types of FIRE and what investing + compound interest can do for people
Spending 30 minutes a week reading about this stuff on Reddit or asking ChatGPT to explain these concepts to you is an excellent starting point.
Treat it like homework. It might be boring or intimidating, but this is one of the most important skills you’ll develop. If you can’t control your finances, you’re at the mercy of other systems (boss, debt, family help, whatever else.)
💸 My Top Money Making & Saving Tools To Get Started.
6. Avoid Vices & Stop Robbing Your Future Self Of Your Own Potential
I think partying in your 20s is awesome. I’ve done my fair share, especially in my earlier digital nomad days when I was traveling around the world, meeting new people all the time in exotic locations.
I’m not talking about giving up a healthy dose of debauchery many twenty-something-year-olds experience. In fact, this stuff adds color to life and also gives you the context to know what certain parts of life are like.
What I am talking about is giving up vices; behavioral patterns you know you want to break, but haven’t.
This could be drinking, drugs, porn, not working out, gambling…You already know what they are.
Here’s the mindset shift I hope helps: when you pursue your vices, you’re not only hurting yourself in the moment. You’re literally robbing your future self of your full potential.
How many times have you had a bender, and then missed out on goals you say are important to you?
When you fall back on vices, you’re betraying yourself. You’re proving to yourself, time and time again, that you can’t keep your word or be trusted. This is SO damaging, so it needs to be dealt with ASAP.
7. Read More
I wish I read a lot more in my twenties.
I stopped reading during college. I hated my psychology classes, and I justified my lack of external reading with the amount of studying and note-taking I was doing. This was definitely a mistake.
I’ve started reading again this last year. It’s so enjoyable. Sure I just finished Crime and Punishment recently and was in a dark funk for three days over it (Russian Lit just hits), but that’s the point.
We have access to the best minds in all of human history, ranging from literal Roman Emperors to philosophers whose work has stood the test of time. But most of what we read comes from Instagram these days.
☕ DO This: Get a new book from a local bookstore, not Amazon. There’s a massive difference and I have no idea why lol. Then take that book, get a nice cup of coffee at your favorite cafe, and read there a while. Then read at a nearby park. This will do things to your brain I don’t understand but certainly encourage 😅
8. Take Finding A Partner Seriously
There’s an emerging trend, particularly for people in their 20s, that discourages dating.
Men often reject dating in the name of ‘staying on their grind’ and focusing on their goals. Women often reject it in the name of hyper-independence or because having a boyfriend is embarrassing, according to TikTok.
I think both lines of thinking are pretty toxic. I spent some years in my twenties being a bit aloof with dating. I didn’t treat certain people how they should have been treated. At the time, I justified my behavior as ‘being normal’ for the dating market.
I regret this period of time. This kind of behavior poisons your character. It’s not irreversible, but man, it’s a slippery slope.
Choosing a person to date and potentially marry is actually one of the most important things people do. If you choose poorly, your world will devolve into absolute madness. If you choose well, you’ll have the adventure of a lifetime that would otherwise be impossible.
Considering how important this decision is, approach it with care and intention.
Don’t neglect your goals. Don’t chase people who won’t give you the time of day. But avoid becoming jaded or disdainful regardless of what the dating market shows you. You’re only hurting yourself.
9. Mental Affirmations Are No Joke
You can train the voice inside your head to be kinder to you.
Seriously.
Our brains are excellent at predicting worst-case scenarios. This is a defense mechanism, but it’s not very helpful when you’re chasing big dreams and want to take on the world, full speed ahead.
When you catch yourself catastrophizing a situation or doubting yourself, make a conscious effort to reframe the voice inside your head.
Start your day off this way. Reaffirm that it will be a good day, you are capable, and you are working towards your goals.
One of the weirdest realizations I’ve had over my twenties has been this: your life increasingly turns out exactly how you picture it.
10. Decide To Fall In Love With Your Life
Fall in love with someone.
Fall in love with your hobbies and interests.
Fall in love with the small daily habits that bring you joy, the thrill you get from new experiences, and the realization that the present is precious.
This relates to the whole intensity idea again. But falling in love with people and aspects of your life is a choice.
It’s so easy to take people, places, and moments for granted. Parts of our life we once dreamed of obtaining no longer fill us with that same excitement. The grass always looks greener, and we’re so good at moving goal posts once we get what we say we want.
These days, one of the main goals I’m working on is being more grateful and passionate about my daily life. I know this isn’t exactly a goal you measure with KPIs or metrics, but it feels like one of the most important goals I have right now.
I’ve spent so much of my twenties chasing dopamine hits, new places, new people…A lot of this came from my love for adventure, but part of it came from a consistent sense of restlessness I’ve struggled to shake. For much of my twenties, this restlessness caused a lot of anxiety and unhappiness that was honestly self-inflicted.
Falling in love with your life around you is how you build a life you enjoy and a routine that’s fulfilling. It’s how you stop endlessly chasing what’s around the corner and actually enjoy what you’ve already cultivated. It’s really the whole point of what we’re all doing!
Next Steps
I’m honestly loving Substack these days.
Thanks to all of you who have subscribed and are reading my writing; especially the influx of new subscribers. There’s a lot more content I’m excited to create, and I’m grateful you’re reading it.
Now, a massive part of WiFi Wealth is dedicated to building online income and systems that help you achieve freedom.
BUT how we think about our life and our goals is even more important. After all, building cool stuff and making money is great, but none of that stuff matters if you’re endlessly miserable and lost.
My twenties have been an interesting chapter of life to say the least. I’ve been fortunate enough to build a few businesses, live and travel across 6 continents, and have genuinely had a blast along the way. But I’ve also made a ton of mistakes and don’t know everything. I’m figuring out this stuff as much as the next person and still make tons of mistakes or doubt my decisions sometimes 😅 But I find that writing and reflecting helps.
If you’re in your 20s or you’re a young adult who’s figuring stuff out, I hope some of these reflections have been helpful to you as well. And if you’re a little older, I hope some of these lessons still ring true or inspire you to make some positive changes.
There’s a lot more content coming soon, including many more guides to help you scale your income and freedom. I hope you’ll stick around to see what’s next 😎
Anyways, wrapping up a short Canada trip. Back to Cape Town and the mountains soon, plus many more adventures.
Catch you in the next one.
Tom from WiFi Wealth.
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