The Simple Psychological Trap That Stops People From Starting
And what happens when you finally stop caring
Most people never start building towards the life they actually want to build because they’re worried about what everyone else will think.
That first YouTube video never gets uploaded. A newsletter never gets published. A business idea remains hidden in a notebook for years because someone is convinced their friends, coworkers, or old classmates are going to judge them for trying.
Psychologists have a name for this: The Spotlight Effect.
It’s the tendency to overestimate how much other people notice, remember, and think about us. We feel like we’re constantly on stage, with a spotlight fixed on us. Yet in reality, everyone else is busy dealing with their own lives, problems, dreams, and rarely think about us.
I learned about the Spotlight Effect in my first year psychology class back at university. I don’t remember much from my degree, but this lesson has stuck with me since that lecture.
In fact, simply knowing the Spotlight Effect exists is one of the most freeing ideas I’ve come across. Once you understand it, you realize just how much time you’ve wasted worrying about an audience that barely exists.
You also realize that you have the power to do anything you put your mind to. And this means you can build the exact kind of life you’re dreaming of without holding back.
How cool is that?
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You Can Truly Build Whatever You Want
I wrote a piece recently covering how we can just start building stuff to make our life better.
This is such a core component of what WiFi Wealth is all about; taking autonomy over your life and destiny and building assets and habits that serve your lifestyle and goals.
However, in order to start building stuff, you must accept that you’ll probably be terrible at whatever new endeavor you’re trying. At least at the start. You will make mistakes, stumble, fail (perhaps quite spectacularly as well.)
This is the nature of trying something new. We have to learn the ropes through trial and error to develop skills.
Since this is just how learning goes, letting the fear of failure and public opinion stop you from pursuing your dreams is an incredible shame. Plus, it doesn’t make any logical sense!
Think about the last time someone you know embarrassed themselves. Maybe they tripped in public, said something awkward in a meeting, or posted something a little cringey online.
You probably forgot about it pretty quickly.
Meanwhile, there’s a good chance they’re still thinking about it…Letting self-doubt creep in, clouding their judgment and confidence.
That’s the spotlight effect.
The same thing happens when you’re building something online. We imagine everyone will have an opinion if we start a business or promote our work. We assume people will laugh if our first videos are bad or if our business doesn’t work out.
But most people simply don’t care that much.
They’re busy worrying about their own careers, relationships, finances, and insecurities. Even if they do notice what you’re doing, they’ll probably think about it for thirty seconds before getting back to their own lives.
And if someone does spend their time mocking you for trying to improve your life, that’s probably not someone whose opinion should carry much weight.
Anyways, here’s a little trip down memory lane.
I filmed my first YouTube video finally after years of putting off that dream (it had truly been something I wanted to do since I was a kid.)
Seriously…YEARS. I had always wanted to make money with YouTube, but I started out with blogging because I didn’t want to be on camera. Even as my blogging business was growing, I delayed YouTube for a few more years until a friend really convinced me it was worth pursuing.
I filmed my first video in a poorly lit, echoing room at a co-working space in Medellin, Colombia. The audio was SO bad. Decent information, but man, the video made me cringe just watching it.
I posted it anyways.
That was the first video.
That was 2020.
Since then, that YouTube channel passed $250,000 in revenue (ads, sponsorships, affiliate income) and unlocked a host of other businesses and opportunities I’m still benefitting from.
The bottom line is that almost everyone who has built something meaningful started by looking inexperienced. They published articles nobody read. They uploaded videos with terrible lighting. They launched products that barely sold.
Yet in the end, these people keep showing up. They humble themselves, accept the mistakes they make along the way, and they keep putting one foot in front of the other regardless of what happens.
SO, if you' have a dream that’s been bubbling inside your brain for a while, I encourage you to begin taking meaningful action.
Start the side hustle or business idea you’ve been dreaming about.
Take on the new workout routine or fitness challenge that’s been sitting on your to-do list for months.
Ask the girl out. Ask for the promotion. ASK the world for wonderful things and put in the effort so they materialize exactly how you envision.
You know what you want to do with this life, so go out there and make it happen! Never fear the judgement or opinions of other people, and do what you must do.
Related: The Opportunity Cost Of Ignoring Your Dreams.
A Note On Building In Public vs Working In Private
I’ll say one more thing about the Spotlight Effect; oftentimes, we put the most pressure on ourselves and are the ones turning on a spotlight in the first place.
A lot of this has to do with social media and the whole ‘build in public’ trend. People naturally get excited about an idea and post a lot about it. If it starts to fizzle out, they feel terrible because they’ve recently announced their plans to the entire internet.
I think building in public can be awesome. I’ve done it in the past and still do it now to create interesting content that’s also transparent. Sharing your work can attract customers, help you meet interesting people, and keep you accountable.
But there’s a difference between sharing work you’ve actually done and telling everyone you’re about to do something.
When you announce a new business idea before you’ve started, you get a small dopamine hit. Friends congratulate you. Family tells you it’s a great idea. It feels like you’ve made progress, even though nothing material has actually changed.
But you also invite opinions before you’ve developed enough conviction in your own idea. Well-meaning friends might tell you it’s too risky. Family members ask how you’ll make money. Suddenly you’re defending a business that doesn’t even exist yet and complicating the entire process.
I’ve found it’s much easier to stay motivated when you keep your plans relatively quiet in the beginning and just put in the work.
Spend your energy building instead of explaining. Test your ideas on your actual customers; your friends and family are great and all, but most businesses don’t last if you’re just relying on your immediate circle to constantly buy from you. Bring value to your target audience, keep iterating, and if you need to connect with people to talk about your idea, you can find like-minded people on Substack, Reddit, Facebook Groups, LinkedIn, and a host of other places.
In short, let people discover what you’ve created after it exists, not while it’s still just an idea.
Extra Reading: 7 Real Ways To Make Money Online.
What’s Next?
A bit of a shorter post today. But I realized a lot of my recent writing covers the idea of building things and taking on risk and adventure. When you feel like everyone is watching and judging you, taking this kind of action is much harder.
In reality, The Spotlight Effect is immensely powerful. It’s often paralyzing. Yet once you understand that it exists, doing whatever you want with your life becomes significantly easier. After all, there is rarely a spotlight on you, so do what you want with your life.
I hope you start building things, learning new skills, and taking on challenges. Your greatest critic is your own mind, so flip the switch, up the confidence levels, and start taking action!
Thanks for reading as always.
I’m very excited to be writing more on Substack these days. And I have an exciting new series coming soon that’s covering niche income ideas people can start/copy. Super pumped for this one and what’s around the corner.
Until then, it’s back to Cape Town for me. I’m hiking a lot these days and settling into the routine here after some long flights. There’s another video-related project I’m starting soon too, and creating things is feeling energizing again.
I appreciate all of the support recently. Hopefully, this piece encourages you to start something new this year.
I’ll catch you in the next one.
Tom from WiFi Wealth.
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Letting go the fear of failure- that indeed needs reconditioning of the brain. Thanks for sharing The Spotlight concept